hurtingzeebo | Room 423, Saturday morning

Sam woke up to the sound of the world's dorkiest ring tone. She groped around for her hammer to smash it with, but it wasn't in reach, so she finally gave in and answered the damn phone.

"H'lo?"

"Fredward!" said the voice on the other end. "You're not just waking up, are you?"

Sam blinked. "Mrs. Benson? Freddie's not here right now."

"That is not funny, young man! You should have been up to double-poo hours ago!"

Sam snickered. "Poo." Then gradually realized that her voice sounded weird. And she'd been sleeping in a funny position, all laid out flat with her head on the actual pillow. And she had . . . bits that weren't usually there. "Did I turn into a boy again?"

"Are you ill? Fredward, take your temperature! I think you have a fever!"

Sam turned the laptop on the nearby desk around and switched on the webcam. And then stared. "Oh sweet mother of chiz."

"FREDWARD BENSON! You go wash your mouth out with soap this instant!"

This? Was going to be a loooooooooooong day.

[ooc: specifically for one.]

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"Hey," Sam said, tossing Freddie's phone onto the desk and flopping down on the bed next to him. "It's all good. My mom's way worse."

"What?" Freddie scoffed, putting his arm around his... his own body. Weird. "Yeah, no way, my mom is the worst. It's not even a competition."

"Uh, no, my mom is definitely the worst. Her version of making dinner involves handing me a handful of ketchup packets and a C battery."

"Your mom didn't install a tracking chip in your head," Freddie said, thinking that was a good trump card. "Not to mention you've never had a tick bath. Ever."

"Or a dentist appointment," Sam pointed out. "My mom used to put black coffee in my bottle when I was a baby."

"What? Why?" Freddie said, for a moment distracted from the argument by this weird and new fact.

"She said it made me dance funny."

"And did it?" Freddie asked, because this also was an important question to ask before going back into the argument.

"Yes," Sam said, as though this were clearly the most obvious thing in the world. "Which is why my mom is totally the freakiest!"

"Hardly!" Freddie said. "Two words: double poo."

"There is no way you are winning this."

"My mother backed her station wagon through the wall of our old school."

"Okay fine," Freddie said. "We're not going to agree on this. So we have to ask someone else, and they'll give us the real answer," Freddie said. "Deal?"

"Okay, but it has to be someone who's actually met both our moms. So we can't just ask your roommate or something."

"Carly it is," Freddie said. "We'll just call her up on a video chat and ask her. Deal?"

"Deal. She totally knows my mom's insane."

Freddie quickly went and grabbed his laptop, and sent the videochat request. Carly actually responded pretty quickly, though she looked surprised.

"...wait, are you guys both in, like, a bedroom?" she said, a little confused.

"We need you to settle and argument," Freddie said. "Sam thinks her mom is crazier than mine."

Carly blinked a few times and just stared.

"Because she is," said Sam. "Mrs. Benson's lame, but my mom's way freakier."

Yeah, she wasn't helping that staring at all.

"This is the worst prank ever," Carly said, calmly. "You interrupt my special magnetic fishing time for this?"

"Just say which of us has the worst mom!" Freddie said. "It's totally me, just think of all the tick baths!"

"Tick baths, right. That's so worse than a long string of random loser boyfriends."

"Why are you both insane?" Carly said shaking her fists at her webcam. "This is not funny!"

"Oh, right," Freddie said, realizing what was confusing Carly. He pointed at himself. "I'm Freddie."

"And I'm Sam," Sam said. She folded her arms, then tilted her head thoughtfully, flexed one, and felt the bicep. "You've totally been working out, haven't you, Freddie?"

"Thank you for noticing," Freddie said, all proud for a moment.

"...I think this is what going mad feels like," Carly said, staring.

"Probably," Sam confirmed. "Also, my mom is totally the worst."

"Why are you asking me, any way?" Carly objected. "Even if it's part of some elaborate prank to make me wonder if I'm losing my mind, that's an unanswerable question!"

"But... you're supposed to settle this for us!" Freddie objected.